Rant: Only idiots win the lottery

The biggest Powerball payout was $365 million dollars with a single ticket shared by eight different people from Nebraska. They elected to take their winnings in cash which roughly came out to $177 million dollars before taxes.

I bet a good number of them have wasted their winnings. Maybe I’m wrong, but I have read too much about how people who never really have any money go really wild and burn out their money and end up worse off then they were before. Do a Google search for stories on lottery winners who have lost their money. Here, I’ve done the work for you: click here for sad stories about lottery winners losing it all!

You win the lottery and every and their mother is out looking for a handout; people who are in real need and people who are looking to take advantage of you make up the majority of these folks. Let’s not forget about family members who you never get along or talk to wanting a piece of your cash pie just because you’re somehow related to them and blood is thicker than water, blah, blah, blah. Family can be so frustrating.

Anyways, a while back I was reading an AMA (Ask me Anything) on Reddit about a guy who won $30 million dollars back in 2001 and how he has spent the last five years traveling the world.  Really good read if you happen to read this blog. A lot of what he does is really neat and seems like he might be one of the handful of smart individuals who have won the lottery and have handled it correctly.

So what would I do with if I do one day win the lottery big –like Powerball $300 million big? Well, I am glad you asked because this is a recurring conversation between my best friend and I, especially since he just got a fairly new BMW.  First, I’d follow some of the guidelines prescribed by this MSN Money article: it runs down the basics on how to handle the euphoria, how to contact a lawyer and an accountant, what to do about work, etc, etc. First, since we have the Powerball in my state I’d contact my lawyer and with his/her help create a special bank account that will receive my winning money and then create some rules as to how to handle my money, where to invest it, how much I will have in my personal checking account, etc, etc. So after the 28% that the Federal government takes I’d have about $122 million left over to play around with. Lots of moolah. Time to do some good, but first some fixing of my family’s life!

After that is all settled then I will be ready to start spending my money. First, like the phenomenal and caring son that I am I will make sure to make sure that my parents are well taken care of. I’d buy them new cars (they sort of kind of need it), wipe their debt and send them on a nice vacation. They’ve always wanted to see Ireland so I’d take them there. I’d give them as much money as they wanted. I know my parents and they’d probably won’t ask for a lot, and I’d give them three or four times the amount they ask for anyways. I know that if I offered to buy them a new house the first thing my Dad would say would be ‘Why? So that your mother can buy more shit for her school? We have two storage areas and a living room full of her stuff already! We don’t need a bigger place”. So that takes care of one item. But since my Dad is getting up there in years I will make sure that everything is taken care of for my mom in case that she needs anything. Knowing them they won’t quit their jobs since they are that stubborn. Well, my Dad might as he should. He can spend most of his time cooking. Yes, that’s good.

Next I’d turn to my younger brother. So whatever I give my parents, my brother gets half of that. I’d buy him a new car and get him a financial advisor so that he won’t blow all the money in one shot. Next, I’d turn to my step-brother’s and their families. Yup, each of them would get the same amount as my brother. They’d be set. Knowing how they are, they will probably not accept it or try to decline it, but damn it I am insistent and they better take it. My family in Mexico can split $5 million between all of them. That is a lot of money for them.

My friends, well I’d take care of their debt first and foremost. Joe and I have this pack that if one of us wins a substantial amount of money we’d give each other $1 or $2 million depending on the amount. Let’s just say $2 million for him. For my other really good friends however long I’ve been really, really good friends with you then I’d multiply that by 10K and that is what you will get from me. That is in addition to wiping out their debt mind you. I’d figure that the group of ten people that I am really close to would be really, really happy with that setup. I’m estimating that I’d be down to around $85 million dollars.

Now that I have taken care of other people its time to take care of myself. First and foremost I am buying myself some sort of house. Nothing too extravagant or big. I am just a single person after all, but I will make sure its a pretty decent neighborhood. Next, I am purchasing myself a new car. I am in desperate need of one. Nothing too fancy mind you, more than likely a decent BMW 3-Series or X5. Hm, I also like the Ford Fusion Hybrid. I just need something newer damn it. I’m also getting new wardrobe so I will be making a day trek to Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom.  Then I’d go and purchasing various items for my house, finally going crazy and buying all the items from my Amazon wishlist. I have a feeling I should make a ridiculous purchase but I can’t think of anything. The guy from that Reddit article bought the animatronic head of the T-Rex from Jurassic Park. I have a feeling I should get something similar to that but I can’t think of what to purchase actually. More than likely I’ll bid on some item for charity, like the guy who won a prequel to Harry Potter for almost 50K. Hm, I wonder when Jeff Tweedy is going to auction himself off for another Living Room concert. I’d bid outrageous amounts of money for that!

After that then I am going to be giving out charitable donations to various charities around the Tampa Bay area and some national organizations. I’d also become one of the key financial contributors to WUSF, WMNF, WEDU and NPR. A lot of money would be given out this way. I’m thinking $10 million dollars in donations.

Then I’d do the typical rich person things: I’d travel and see the world, eat in expensive restaurants, go to fancy smancy charitable auctions, etc. One thing I’d do at least once a week is when I go to a restaurant make sure that I pay for everyone’s meal. I always wanted to do that.

If I ever get married and have kids though I’d make sure to keep it pretty hidden. I don’t want them to know that I have this incredibly amount of money. I don’t want them to grow up spoiled. Its probably the reason why I’d probably continue going to school and getting a job somewhere or investing in small businesses in the area. That sounds really good though.

Its too bad that I probably will never win the lottery though. I’m too sensible. Oh, and I don’t play it. :P

The Rant: Only idiots win the lottery by Hits Snooze Twice, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.

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